LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED FROM RIDING IN MOST OF THE LOWER 48

I still say Kansas is an exquisite form of slow torture.
The people in Maine can barely tolerate people from Massachusetts.
The people in Vermont can barely tolerate people from New York City.
New Hampshire roads are not as interesting as ones in Vermont.
I can’t think of a reason to ride in Connecticut, except the Vanilla Bean in Pomfret. (Apologies to the Martins, the nicest people I know from the Nutmeg State.)
From “The Unforgiven”: ‘I thought I was dead once, but I was just in Nebraska.’ True, true, true.
Like the Eskimos, the people in south Texas have 27 words to describe ‘flat’.
Oklahoma is not OK, except that they have terrific steaks. In some counties, though, you can’t get a beer to wash it down.
South Dakota is the only state that makes you glad to get to Iowa.
Louisiana has the best bugs.
Mississippi has the worst pizza.
Georgia has the most diabolical tar snakes.
North Carolina has the best roads in the Southeast, but north Georgia has less traffic.
Virginia has the sneakiest cops outside of New Jersey, where I refuse to ride anymore.
Ohio isn’t as bad as you think. The southern part of the state has some terrific roads, but you should always avoid Toledo. If you like airplanes, visit the Wright Patterson AFB in Dayton and see the museum.
Pennsylvania will never be completed. I-80 will never be fully paved and it always rains in Scranton.
Northern Alabama is vastly underrated in the geographical beauty sweepstakes. The Barber Museum is not to be missed in Birmingham.
New Orleans is kind of sad during the day, but pretty lively at night, kind of like a nightclub.
They serve cheese on everything in Wisconsin except coffee.
Michigan is flat in the lower peninsula, but has trees and fruit orchards.
Idaho has some pretty nice scenery and an amazing dearth of potato fields.
New York state is bigger than it appears and has some vicious crosswinds. The vineyards in the Finger Lakes produce some terrific wine. Lamoreaux Landing is my favorite.
Colorado is awfully nice, but is kinda like New Hampshire. Lots more people than you’d expect for a rural state and an unnaturally high occurrence of SUVs, though at least there they have a purpose besides intimidation.
Montana proves that even high speed gets boring on the interstate after a while.
Wyoming is full of people that don’t look stupid wearing a cowboy hat and driving a pickup truck.
The folks in Utah are pretty damn friendly. They sell beer 24-7 at the gas stations in spite of the strong Mormon population, and give precise and correct directions.
The roads in California may be the finest in the country, but they have no discernable rhythm for the most part. Some of the people we ran into were as rude as folks from NYC.
Indiana has a cool Auburn Cord Dusenburg museum that is worth the detour.
Minnesota has 10,000 lakes and each breeds 10,000 mosquitoes that can carry off a two-year-old child.
How come all motorcycle campgrounds are down south?
Everything in Arizona is sun-faded.
New Mexico has the best sopapillas.
Rt. 50 in Nevada is kind of fun. Cops coming the other way wave, even if you’re going over 100.
It is always nice to come home.

Dave Swider; Boxer Shorts (Yankee Beemers Club newsletter), October 1999.