Aerostich / Riderwearhouse Catalog
8 S 18th Ave W
Duluth, MN, 55806
July 6, 2005
I am writing in anger to complain about my recent purchase of your “Mr. Happy” puppet product. Up to this point, I have always been pleased with my previous purchases from your company, but this most recent experience has my faith shaken. After reading the rather jocular description in your catalog, I decided that owning a Mr. Happy myself would perhaps add some levity to the otherwise mundane lifestyle I lead. I tend to be a bit conservative, and even though I accept the inherent risks of riding a motorcycle, I’ve taken pains to minimize the risk of personal injury by buying one of your one-piece hi-viz suits, Halo reflective band and other protective gear. My wife has always encouraged me to have a little more fun than I’m accustomed to, and I thought you folks had just the product to fit the bill.
So I thought that having a Mr. Happy around would open up as-yet unexplored avenues of entertainment. I regret to inform you that I could not have been more wrong. To say that Mr. Happy has turned my life completely upside down is an understatement. Trying to describe to you all that has occurred since his arrival would be futile, so I enclosed some pictures as evidence supporting my assertions.
Some of these images are very disturbing. Never in all my years have I experienced anything such as I’ve experienced with your product.
Since the first day that this so-called “Mr. Happy” arrived, he was nothing but trouble. I thought that once my dogs grew to maturity, we would never again have to be vigilant about the kitchen garbage. As you can see, I’ve been proven wrong.
I figured that there was a chance Mr. Happy was having difficulty adjusting to his new environment and that this show of rebellion was nothing more than a cry for attention and a need for some love and understanding. So I kept him by my side for the remainder of the day and we spoke of pleasantries. My wife even cooked him his favorite meal for dinner. Surely, I thought, if we can show Mr. Happy that our home was his home and a serene environment, he would change his ways.
However, the following night, I found that Mr. Happy has a nasty little secret that you failed to mention in your catalog. There are truth-in-advertising laws that govern such misleading propaganda!
Needless to say, Mr. Happy had a rough go of the remainder of the night. He eventually came to, and since my poor wife had to get up early for an important meeting, I made sure she got the rest she needed by playing the role of nurse through the wee hours of the morning.
Understanding that substance abuse is an illness like any other, I embarked on a mission to get Mr. Happy the help he needed. After all, with this kind of affliction, he couldn’t possibly be truly happy.
So the next day I took off from work. After all, family is more important. I left Mr. Happy alone as he slept off his previous night’s debauchery and made some phone calls. A couple of hours later, I returned to check on him, and not a moment too soon!
And to think I brought him into my home with open arms! Pilfering through my wallet was a personal violation I could not ignore, so after my wife gave him a thorough scolding…
… Mr. Happy received a very stern time-out.
I felt fairly confident at this juncture that I’d have no more trouble after laying down the law and showing him exactly who was boss. My goodness, what a mistake it was to think that!
I turned my back for a moment to pay some bills when I realized Mr. Happy was nowhere to be found. I heard some noises coming from the garage and went out there in the nick of time!
Fortunately, just as Mr. Happy was wheeling my motorcycle into the driveway to take it for a joyride, I was able to stop him. Just thinking of the possible consequences gives me chills! There are children in our neighborhood!
Later on, I went to use the computer in order to find a clinic that could assist with his drinking problem. Well! I see that not only is Mr. Happy no stranger to a bottle, he’s also very well versed in the skills required to get around the Internet.
At this point, I was getting very discouraged, but still believed in my heart that Mr. Happy wanted to fulfill his destiny and embrace the potential that yearns to be nurtured in every hand puppet. So I decided the best thing to do would be to return to a normal schedule and let Mr. Happy acclimate himself thoroughly to our home life.
The next day at work, naturally the only thing I could think about was Mr. Happy’s plight. My wife and I had discussed the issues at length and were unable to come to any real conclusions. Fraught with anxiety, I decided to quit work early and return home to surprise Mr. Happy by taking him out for an ice cream. But when I returned, the surprise was all mine!
How could this happen?!?! My world has fallen down around me! Betrayed, I’ve been!
At this point I am at the end of my rope. I am saddened and furious that you could sell a product such as this to an unassuming person such as myself. How do you scoundrels sleep at night?!?!
I demand satisfaction, Sirs!
Lindsay S. Coyle