Book Review
The RiderWearhouse
Catalog
by Andy Goldfine and
the Aero In-House Design Team
reviewed by Bob
Stokstad
(excerpts from this
review appeared in the June, 2005 issue of City Bike)
It came today. I never know exactly when to expect it. But
suddenly it was there on the pile of mail on the dining room table when
I got home from work. I grabbed it and started turning pages, but
before long I had to take it with me to that little reading room where
the last few issues of City Bike are kept close at hand. Great
literature has this effect on me.
The coming of the Aerostich Catalog
is a rite of spring, artfully timed, I suspect, for the arrival of
motorcycling weather in the Midwest. It’s the time of year when
folks will add another gadget or gizmo to their riding paraphernalia –
something they never knew they needed until the Catalog arrived.
I suppose some riders will even order a ‘stich from the catalog.
(I like to get a new one every ten years and am about ready for the
third.) I expect most people, however, will just start browsing
to see what’s been added since last year, what new pearls of wisdom
will be cast before us, which exotic destinations will be pictured with
the Suit in the foreground. A fat glossy catalog that’s fun to
read is not a bad thing, so let’s have a look at what Andy Goldfine and
his staff in Duluth have included in this 195-page edition.
There are seven sections, beginning
with “Aerostich Suit,” the company’s famous core product, and ending
with “Sundry” – books, videos and toys for happy campers. There’s a
broad range of practical and protective things to wear in the first two
sections. Besides the expected boots, gloves, helmets, suits and
such you’ll find, for example, a line of “microfiber” dress clothing
and a nostalgia riding jacket called the Falstaff, which is made of
that British invention, waxed cotton. And in case you’re
wondering how the latter fares in a crash, the accompanying text
reports, “…the abrasion resistance of waxed cotton (when compared
to the Darien’s 500 denier cordura) is better than you’d
think.” Still wondering?
Moving onward through the
color-coded sections you’ll encounter an eclectic assemblage that
reminds you of Cycle Gear, REI, Ace Hardware, Radio Shack, Barnes &
Noble, JC Penney and the in-flight shopping magazine on your favorite
airline. There’s a big difference, however: the stuff in Andy’s
catalog is high quality only and, of course, has at least a remote
connection to your passion for two-wheeled travel. How
remote? Well, I wear a watch (pp.136-140) when I ride, boxer
shorts, too (p. 42). I use batteries (p. 144) in my GPS (pp.
114-119), wear a cool t-shirt (pp. 54-57), enjoy espresso (p. 99) and
beef jerky (p. 112), and take along glue and duct tape (p. 168) for
repairs. When I get off
the bike at the end of the day I like a
camp chair to caress my bottom (p. 94) after sprinkling it with Anti
Monkey Butt Powder (p. 64). (“More than a re-packaged drugstore
talc or a baby powder, this formula ... provides an immediate
‘aaaahhh-oooohhh’ skin relief.” 6 oz. bottle $6.00.)
As I
said, it’s fun to read.
On a higher literary plane, I found
quotes from Victor Hugo, Walt Whitman, T.S. Eliot, Henry
Thoreau, Aldous Huxley, two eminent physicists (Niels Bohr and
Robert Oppenheimer), as well as wise observations from two writers well
known to City Bike readers, Ed Hertfelder and the late Joe Glydon (p.
23). While the type font, for my tired old eyes, is acutely
small, the quotes are aptly selected. In the pages devoted to
Navigation I came across, “Not all who wander are lost” (J.R.R.
Tolkien) and “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll wind up
somewhere else” (Yogi Berra). The long poem on p. 4, “The
Minnesota Department of Transportation Plans to Straighten Out Highway
1” by Barton Sutter is worth reading. It’s about
something important to everyone who rides.
The catalog reminded
me of my Triumph owner’s manual when I read on p. 2 “Caution –
Operating a motorcycle involves an element of risk.” Sound
familiar? Here are some other legal posterior
protectors. See if you can guess the product.
“This reading test is just an
approximation and is not meant to replace regular eye exams with an eye
care professional.”
“These devices
may block out ambient sounds important for safe riding. Do not
use where other road users may be present.”
“Not for use on
public roads”
“Absolutely no
sales to minors.”
The subsection on
heated clothing is super; from a physiological explanation of how a
chest vest keeps toes warm to the best assortment of hookup wires and
controls I’ve ever seen. There’s loads of quality electronics –
GPS’s, radios, radar detectors, audio and intercom systems. I
lingered longingly over the tool section. Maybe I’ll hint to my
wife I’d like “Titanium Tar Arns” for my birthday (p. 148). I’d
love to try the 4 oz. plastic “Bead Popper” (p. 149), which would
be a great substitute for the three-pound steel C-clamp I carry for
tire repair. And if a chain oiler for $137 can triple the life of
my chain and sprockets, I’ll be way ahead. In fact, there’s no
limit, other than my wallet, to what I’m tempted to order.
There’s a motorcyclist’s dream
library here in the ten pages devoted to books . A few of them I
own, others beg to be bought. There are famous books like The
Motorcycle Diaries and The Art of the Motorcycle, old standards by well
known authors (Robert Pirsig and Ted Simon, for example), clever titles
(On Any Wednesday, The Ghost of Scootertrash Past, There’s
no Toilet Paper on the Road Less Traveled, Fart Proudly) and at
least one dubious offering. The latter’s blurb goes like this: “…
there’s an underlying sense of the buccaneer here. This story is
so full of energy, bravado and brag that this tale moves along with a
boiling quick fury that’s a lot like…” A lot like baloney,
was what one skeptical reviewer wrote in City Bike about Two Wheels
Through Terror by Glenn Heggstad. The best bargain may be a book
by Andy Goldfine himself: Lightweight Unsupported Motorcycle Travel for
Terminal Cases (p.192 $5 or free with all orders over $100).
I
recall in previous years the April
Fools’ products that were sprinkled throughout the catalog. So I
smiled when I saw at the bottom of p. 3 the caveat, “Warning!
Items with Orange Titles are Fictitious and are for Entertainment
Purposes Only.” After an hour or so with the catalog I realized I
hadn’t seen any orange titles. True, I saw Doggles (goggles for
canine co-riders, p. 30) and Cat Repellent (for motorcycle hygiene, p.
172) but as far as I can tell these are legitimate offerings – if you
order they will come. Then I found two orange titles. But
I’m not going to tell you where they are. Go find
‘em
yourself. And after that, as Andy urges (order form, centerfold),
“Go ride your motorcycle.”
Used with permission from Bob Stokstad [email protected]