Walnut

Keep those cherished memories alive, neat, protected, available for sharing. Specially designed pockets show both sides and fit all states and Canadian ticket forms. Space for noting circumstances and displaying any photos. Archival quality papers and plastic windows.

A direct and arguably paradoxical (thus generally overlooked) benefit of riding a motorcycle is the omnipresent feeling of vulnerability. Embracing that feeling is part of what humanizes us, allowing us to share, sacrifice, co-operate and live in a civilized society. Take away our experiences of vulnerability and we lose some of what it is to be human. Unlike a car (an engineered, climate-controlled capsule), which cocoons in a way that negates the feeling of vulnerability, the Sphere of Paradoxness gives is access to that feeling, in a safe way. High tech electro-plasma induced force field creates protective riding sphere around rider and bike. The EHD plasma actuator device optimizes protective field strength through electrode manipulation and on-board computer monitored flow control. While no objects can enter the sphere, the rider is still subject to Newton’s Laws inside the sphere. There-in lies the paradox. Protected from outside dangers, vulnerable to problems within. 12V.

Feet up all the time. Controlled by a powerful stepper solenoid, the lateral counterweight in Teflon-lined vacuum tube oscillates back and forth rapidly, to compensate for every tiny motion, almost like a Segway. Includes high-level multi-stage diodic-capacitor which recharges itself automatically as you ride. Wheel motion sensor chip decides when to engage, allowing your feet remain on the pegs at all stops. Surrounding traffic is amazed at your balancing prowess. Attaches to rear rack with a universal mounting clamp (included). 10 lbs.

There’s sure to be something bad coming soon: Pandemics, tyrants, zombies, singularity takeovers or epic environmental disasters. Even the simple breakdown of law and order will call for armor which not only protects in the event of a low-side dismount, but also deflects the bullets, shrapnel, rocks, spears, etc. hurled by aggressive outlanders bent on mayhem. This upgrade consists of a complete set of knee, hip, elbow, shoulder, back and chest armor constructed from regenerative W-TF Biofoam, fitted for all Roadcrafter, Darien and Transit Suits, so you’ll be able to ride through any dystopian future. Sobering protection for whatever lays ahead on the road to humanity’s bleak horizon. You can’t be too ready. Includes walnut. S, M, L, XL.

By Pookie Perdlap CPA, noted authority on fast riding and getting out of trouble with the IRS. Chapters on how to deduct speeding tickets as road tax paid - use duplicate tax claim form 666x, depreciating sport cams and slant slide carbs, creative financing on Italian bikes with little known GI lend-lease benefit programs, etc. It’s down-to-earth hands-on advice that you will use every day. This is the long awaited companion to her renowned and groundbreaking 1978 book, 'If it be Mine, It be Devine'. This tax and accounting guide is not only creative, but reads like a good Elmore Leonard story. You will not be able to put it down. It will pay for itself over and over. Contains exclusive new 'Litigation Avoidance Technology' appendix. Hardbound, 6" x 9", 436 pp., b/w illus.

Can you hear me now? Yer darn tootin'. These revamped WWII-era field phones come with no frills, fees or frustrations. Just wind up the generator, dial a number and you're good to go. "Bob ate what?" "Bar-b-que underpants?" Never get cut off again. No matter where you are in the world, communication is always analog clear on the TechMo Phone. Works on new, superlow 10kHz BWF and is good for up to one hour of free conversation per ten windings. Need more time? Just keep winding. Comes complete with flip-out polaroid pinhole camera and rider-to-rider conversion kit. Specify chain or belt drive. Not Bluetooth compatible. Leather and bakelite. 7"x10"x4" .17lbs.

After a great day of riding you've found a comfortable and hidden camping spot a few miles outside a small town. Camp is set up and now it's time to ride back to that last village for some prime dinner. To insure security while you are away, try the Tenta Pilferista Preventa. This large, realistic, full size haz-mat warning sign mounts right to the outside of your tent (or just about anywhere else) and looks scary. Its language should persuade anyone who can read to leave the area immediately. Partial text: "Warning - Federal research testing site - highly infectious-toxins and/or radioactive materials. Do not approach - Do Not touch. Disturbing this site is a Federal offense. For further information call 216-998-7629 24 hours." Sign is easily removable, weather resistant and folds compactly. Hopefully nobody will be able to figure out what charges to press against you. 8.5"x13".

The last set of aglets you will ever need, these indestructible titanium lace-ends provide ultimate protection and weight-savings to your shoe or bootlaces. Lighter overall foot weight equates to easier operation of the shift and rear brake levers for increased all-day rider comfort. Also reduces drag of off-bike footwear. Easily removable to transfer between multiple pairs of shoes. Specify 1mm or 1.5mm length.

Saves four or five long days in a cheap motel room sweating and weakly drinking occasional sips of Gatorade for the electrolytes. And endless sleeping. Feverish. Sweating. Then more weakly drinking Pedialight or Pediasure for the nutritional stuff. And more sleeping. More sweating. Hours on the toilet. Microwaving a package of instant Chicken soup. More sleeping. Repeat for another two days. Then showering, dressing and unexpectedly pooping yourself because you are still not better yet. More Gatorade and Pedialight. More sleeping. Why suffer? #funn $678.91

You’re reefing on an engine case bolt when suddenly ‘Snap’… the wrench lets go and the f’n (Allen/bolt/torx/whatever) head shears clean off. Lucky you weren’t killed. Or the screwdriver you are forcing unexpectedly skates across that freshly painted frame leaving a deep and ugly gouge. Do you throw that bad tool across the garage while screaming in frustration? Not anymore with an Undo Workshop Switch. Reach for the Undo lying in your toolbox. It looks just like a TV remote but works like the undo key on a PC. Fits in any size toolbox. Just press the button and there is an intense flash of light… Open your eyes and everything’s back to the way it was just moments before. How does it work? Psion emitters. At least thats what the label on the bottom says: “Keep fingers clear of Psion emitters”. Beyond that, we haven’t any idea. Requires 4AA batteries (not included). From Tezla Industries. Includes walnut.

Little dollar sign ($) stickers on clear weatherproof vinyl that are just the right size and shape to be placed over the face of the speedo and or tachometer, near the redline or whatever speed you may want to think about avoiding tickets. A large variety of sizes, colors and typefaces to match or contrast with the lettering on all motorcycle models.

From storms on the horizon, to sudden down-pours, and all-day soaking rain showers, these are the compelling true-life tales of (..and by) Roadcrafter and Darien clad riders and how they deal with idle time spent waiting on riding buddies to find and put on their raingear. Chapters include: Under the Overpass, Stopping…again, Soaked Saddlebag Search, Wet Chinese Noodles and more. Also contains hundreds of mostly useless time-killing games and activities to help keep one entertained while others are doing the rain-suit donning dash. Printed on waterproof paper. Edited by Mr. Subjective. Softbound. 5”x8”, 171 pp., color and b/w illus.

This is how the experts make sure they get more riding. On nice days this voice alarm clock speaks: “It’s going to be a gorgeous, clear, sunny day, so GET OUT OF BED NOW!” The phrases vary depending on conditions outside. You decide to sleep in… or wake up… while still in bed. If it’s cool and raining, this alarm clock voices: “Go ahead and sleep in. Rest up. The weather stinks today.” How does it work? External probes continuously monitor precipitation, temperature, humidity, wind velocity, barometric pressure and other current conditions. An advanced internal microprocessor uses a US weather bureau developed fuzzy logic algorithm to decide (on a continuously updated basis) which (of ten different) alarm message to deliver… and it makes the right choice 93.2% of the time! Low cost accessory modules can telephone your work and deliver pre-recorded but plausible excuse for lateness or for missing the whole day. Keep ahead of those unreliable commercial weather forecasts. Includes walnut and transitive subwoofers. Tim Carrithers endorsed.

Oh sure. Spend the bucks for a CB or FRS communications system and what do you get? Your riding buddy talking over the air about his butt rash or how that cloud looks like the outboard motor he got from his uncle but never got running, or pointless observations about how cold or hot it is. Makes you want to scream, don’t it? Before you tune everything out or tear it all off in frustration, try the Wireless Banality Blocker. Speech-recognition technology invented for the disabled now makes putting the kibosh on stupid-ass conversations a snap. It’s pre-programmed to screen out all lame comments and banalities, allowing important phrases like ‘There’s a cop’ and ‘I just hit reserve’ to come through fine. The ‘blocker’ module installs between any transceiver and antenna, and the control uniconveniently mounts anywhere on your bike. Works like call-blocking and call-waiting, only better. Expect a slight learning curve as the word-recognition system builds its initial vocabulary. Specify English or Spanish.

Awww, shoot! Forgot to pull your battery last fall, didn't you? Let's face it, batteries are a pain. They don't last forever, and there's a finite amount of gizmos, gadgets and farkels you can run off them without running into one messy electrical problem or another. Good riddance. Inside each and every one of these special batteries resides just enough nuclear waste to power everything you've ever dreamed of powering on your bike. Without wires. Wait a minute...everything...wireless?! Yes, you heard right. The compartment itself is made of a hermetically sealed 1" thick polycarbonate resin and comes with a lead blanket to drape over your seat, so it's completely safe. Built to last lifetimes.