Walnut

Maximum audio conspicuity. Give your whispering GL1500, Voyager, K1100 (or similar) an instant Hogectomy for fun and safety. Ninety minutes of unmuffled American big vee motor from idle to redline. Side A is synched for thru the gears urban cruising/commuting and side B is the syncopated purr of the open road with some twisties thrown in. Let them hear you before they can see you. From Straight Pipe Recordings, Inc. Only available on DAT (digital audio tape).

Direct from police riot control and pro hockey (pro hockey ?), this helmet’s shield is overlaid with steel bars for protection and intimidation. This riot and correctional institute technology trumps even the fanciest race rep helmet’s decorative paint job. The menacing steel grillwork assures safe passage through the most apocalyptic Mad Max wastelands and impoverished countries...and local urban slums. Flow through vents keep you cool, even when you’re hyperventilating. If you live in a gated luxury community and ride a big adventure bike with a metal guard over the headlight...or if your cage is a Range Rover with ARB nerf bumper overriders, then this is your helmet. Ride through the valley of death, or look ready to. Meets or exceeds all DOT, Snell and Motion Picture Stuntman Association Standards. Size s-xl. Black. Includes walnut.

Packs into a tiny bundle slightly smaller than a boullion cube. Just the thing for padding down to the motel lobby for some ice. (Just because your friend will, and has, done the same thing wearing soggy roadracing boots and boxers doesn’t mean you want to.) Made of miracle synthetic micro-brushed nylon. Color is black and guaranteed not to show piddle spots. Feel like Prince Charles instead of the grubby disheveled biker you are.

After a long and wonderful day on the road enjoying the bracing, refreshing and wonderful scents of clean, natural fresh air, does your motel room's air really stink? Like cigarette smoke, or worse, that unnaturally sweet residual housekeeping spray cleaner scent. (…smells like walking into a bowl of strawberry jam. Ugh.) Are the rooms windows locked closed, to prevent unethical guests from jumping (high floors) or stealing towels (lower floors)? Now you can enjoy fresh air inside your room all night long.

This is a clever and compact folding tool allows you to quickly easily master any blocked or disabled motel room window technology, without breaking the glass or other damage. It can be a real life-saver and is especially perfect for rooms with those loud or broken Univent heat-AC units. Includes ten different anti-tamper screw and bolt removal wrenches and tips, each made to fit all the locking bolt types you’re likely to ever run into. Breathe….Ahhhh… #have $99.01

A safe way to help risk-adverse family members cope when loved ones get interested in riding. Clinically tested on highly nervous parents, wives, and husbands. An actual satisfied user - Andrea F., Chandler, AZ: “My medication must really be working, because whenever Joel mentions getting a motorcycle, I am okay with the whole idea!!!” Extra strength, 100% organic formula. 60 chewable daily-tabs. Also available as a tasteless, colorless powder that mixes undetectably with foods and/or beverages. (…?) Contraindications - Not to be mixed with Viagra or anti-depressants.

You know those kitchy wall clocks featuring hourly songbird calls or the mating croaks of twelve obscure frog species? This is not that. The ‘Pipes’ Moto-Clock speaks fluent, wide open gearhead. At twelve you’ll hear ten seconds of doppler-distorted open-piped nitrous-burning S&S vee motor (doing a full burnout/run/cool down dragstrip cycle). Next, a banshee wailing Honda 250 six GP bike at Brands Hatch tells you it’s one pm...at two you’ll hear ten seconds of HPN BMW boxer wide open across the Sahara piste....at three a triumph speed triple going through the gears on a twisty road (with echoes between the hedgerows)....at four there’s the glorious Britten in top gear on the high banks at Daytona. A 916 Duck with the throttle pinned blasts through the tunnels on the Angels Crest to announce five pm, and at six it’s an old loose Dunstall Kwacker H-2 with open chambers, wound tight while crossing the Duluth interstate high bridge on a whiskey death run (How’d that get in there?)....at seven...uh, you get the idea.

A program of the new President’s Council on Fitness and Motorcycling. One of the most important messages of the new century is: Motorcycle activities and fitness are essential for the highest quality of life for individuals of all ages. The President's Council on Motorcycle Sports continues its long standing tradition of promoting motorcycling activity and fitness for all citizens. One of the primary purposes of The President's Challenge has been to motivate everyone to begin and continue an active motorcycle lifestyle by providing awards for reaching appropriate motorcycling activity levels. There are now five Presidential awards available: SuperMotard, Endurance Riding, Commuting, Wheelie Skills, and Lane Splitting. Information kits contain applications and detailed program guides for earning each award.

The Sultan of Brunei Smörgåsbord's Deal. Own every item in every size and every color, and say goodbye to reading sometimes clever but more generally mindless and boring catalog copy. Forget about eyestrain from studying fuzzy photos. Never again search the Aerostich website tediously clicking through 'rate this item' or layers of alternate-view photos. Not to mention the work of filling out the order forms themselves or making multiple 800 calls. So be ready for any kind of a ride, anywhere, in any weather conditions. No matter what. Recieve the One of Everything and you'll forever camp, dress and ride in style. Surface shipping only, (Thanks to Mark Lindeman.)

Jumping on and off a 39" tall saddle twelve times a day is hard work, and you wobble on tiptoes at every stoplight, too. That is not fun. Until now the only options were risky, painful, dangerous, and costly: A year + of repeated surgeries in China or Japan to slowly lengthen your tibia and fibula, or settling for a smaller and less adventurously oriented bike. These lightweight stilts are a better option. They are super easy to use and carry, custom-height adjustable, and the engineering is amazing. Packable stilts like these were first developed for demanding circus clowns. This model was made to handle the longest street parade applications, so they are guaranteed (by the manufacturer) to last a lifetime. Included are comfortable hook and loop straps, 'DS' custom extra-wide no slip platforms, and anodized CNC Ti adjusters (not shown). You don't have ten dollar legs, so don't settle for ten dollar packable stilts.

Put these pills in your gas tank and leave everyone behind you gagging. Perfect for slow left lane drivers/blockers, Winnebagos, etc... Rotten eggs, stale beer and that bad catalytic converter smell. Guaranteed to penetrate closed ventilation systems of luxury cars and motor homes. One 16 oz bottle treats 100 gallons of gas. Will not harm your bikes engine. From Stubbco Industries.

If your bike has underseat pipes, this kit converts the unused pillion pad to a superb convection oven, perfect for roasting, baking or even broiling. How many times have you been riding along enjoying the performance of your high-spec sport bike, when suddenly hunger strikes...you find yourself thinking “Boy, I could sure use a hot meal right now.” This always happens on narrow, twisted, lightly traveled fun roads where there’s never a restaurant when you need one. All stainless steel construction. This kit is surprisingly well engineered and easy to install. Adjustable fast or slow cook modes. Includes a 30 page recipe booklet. Leave mouth watering (not eye watering) smokey burnout smells. Brisket anyone? For Ducati, Honda, Yamaha, MV (provide model and year).

Enforcement vehicles with speed measuring devices disappear just before you approach, then reappear after you pass. Officers are unharmed and unaware they have briefly visited a parallel universe. Enjoy your high speed riding in total security and confidence. Fade-outs resemble the transporter effects in sci-fi TV and films, but sub-atomic sidereal phase shifting chilled laser technology makes it work. The Police Eliminator is the result of a top secret Pentagon contractor's recent conversion to civilian products. Availability is very limited. Effective on all types of speed measuring personnel/equipment. Range is adjustable up to 2 miles. Fits in most tank bags. Legal in 42 states and Canada. Weight, 6.8 lbs. Colors: putty, white, or black. Includes walnut.

Electric video game computer simulacrum motorcycles and roads are neat, literally eliminating the big environmental “footprint” of the real thing: The spew of nasty compounds produced by the burning fossil fuels, to say nothing of the absence of smells from the surrounding natural world—leaving many nostalgic for the sweet smell of burning hydrocarbons. Well eco-riders, the PAS gives electro-motorcyclists the best of both worlds by using sophisticated neo-aromatic transducers to convert voltage into synthetically produced exhaust, while an internal surrounding sensor emulates the odors of the roadside. Ride the virtual PCH and smell the sunshine, rocks, motorhomes and ocean. Specify four-stroke or two-stroke aromatic cartridge. Includes mounting hardware, bobulator and walnut. 5"x6"x3".

An upgrade (or retrofit…) for the underarm and back vent zippers on all Aerostich Roadcrafter and Darien rider’s suits. The battery powered Remote Control sliders are the result of micro-miniaturization breakthroughs by the YKK zipper company and Mabuchi-Nanetronik Ltd., a private German-Japanese nanotechnology research effort. Aerostich is the first clothing company to offer them. They are perfect for these vents, because they make adjustments safe and easy. Remote Control Sliders eliminate the need to pull over to safely adjust the vents…and don’t require a helpful friend or removing one’s suit for the back vent adjustments. Now it’s simple as pressing a button! Each slider is about 10% larger than the equivalent manual type. Inside is a remote receiver, Mabuchi ‘pancake’ type 330541 stepper-motor, a tiny titanium planetary gear set and toothed cog -- which engages the zipper’s teeth to pull the slider rapidly in either direction. The sliders are controlled by a three button remote. Each powered slider uses a common (and included) replaceable Zink hearing aid battery good for about two hundred 12” zips. The remote includes both wrist and handlebar mounts. The price per slider, installed, is $177 (#RIDI). The remote -- which will control up to four sliders independently -- is $47 (#PARC). Specify Roadcrafter/Darien or Transit style.

Get Real. Get Authentic. Get Steve McQueen. Add the essence of clean, pure classic gear. Features a 100% selvedge cotton outer fabric with an artisanal wax finish of refined Narwhale semen (renewably harvested, don’t ask us how). Buttons replace zippers, all reflective areas deleted, all vents removed, and all external pockets have old-school flaps. The core TF impact armor remains but has been shaved down to minimally intrusive size so on casual view it looks missing. Available in either lumberjack red-black check or traditional plaid flannel. Fully certified organic and Fair Trade. Your appearance counts most when surrounded by friends, or at least other genuine hipsters.

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Clip to your riding suit and always know—via solar, lunar, motion and precipitation sensors—if you are riding enough. WiFi-linked smartphone app provides real-time data logging. Easy setup informational matrix lets you evaluate your riding by rain, heat, snow, cloudy, sunny, hot and seventeen additional ambient variables. Resettable at whatever intervals from 1 to 100K in either mi/km. Includes Aerostich add-on indicating when to wash your sox, underwear or Aerostich suit. Cross-link to Sunsprite (www.sunsprite.com) to learn if you if you are getting enough sunlight, too. Secure pocket clip. Waterproof. Includes two 357D button batteries and walnut. 2"×1.7 x.8". Tan.

Press the red button and secretly pop up all the door locks on any car that's weaving into traffic lanes ahead of you. Malicious mayhem (?) ...or pro-active SUV defense system? Hit it again and the trunk release goes 'ka-lunk' on a nearby Ford Crown Vic law enforement vehicle. (Very amusing while sitting on your bike, on the side of the road, immediately after being pulled over. Press repeatedly for a perfect three stooges comedy impression by the trooper.) Works like a scanner in reverse, transmitting over 100 remote unlock code frequencies a second. In dense traffic it will pop the locks on all the nearby vehicles at the same time...producing a UFO Close Encounters effect. Just the thing for sleepy car drivers and lane crowders. Maximum range is about 75 feet. Case is 3.5"x2"x1.75". Two AA batteries and walnut included. Stubbco industries.

Turns any iPhone 5 or 6 into a durable sidestand plate. Download from the Apple app store at http:apple/app/sidestandmode and increase the utility function of your smartphone. Versions also available for Kindle’s, Nooks and Surface’s. Keeps your bike from tipping over into the mud or your sidestand from digging a pivot into hot sticky tar. Run time up to 18 hours. Optional Gorilla-Glass screen-saver film recommended. USA App #&ride $.99 Screen film #uses $437.00

Now is the perfect time to get your winter gear all serviced up and ready to go for another year. This detailed shop manual will help you get the most from you trusty snowblower. Tune, adjust and improve Bolens, Toro, Cub, Deere, Snapper, Yard Man and many more. Your neighbors will be visibly jealous when your snowthrower lights off on the first pull. Make your machine throw even the wettest glop farther into your neighbors yard. Get busy with your snow thrower now to have more fun next winter. A tuned snow thrower is a happy snow thrower.

Arrive at any event by motorcycle well-dressed for the road and not feel like a total outsider, dork, nerd or whatever. S.O.T. isn’t a drug, but a naturally-occurring organic botanical-nutracutical sourced from underneath unusual stone deposits found only at remote higher elevations across western Asia. It is then carefully refined and purified using the exact same process used to purify pharmacological ingredients at companies like Bayer and Searle. This safe holistic compound has been appreciated by millions of riders across Asia for over fifty years. Standard dose is 1tsp powder per day, which may be mixed into a smoothie, sprinkled on breakfast cereals or dusted over eggs, waffles and pancakes. Odorless, tasteless and colorless. Ideal for overthinking neurotics and social cowards alike. Not for diabetics, children under 12, or if you are pregnant. 1 quart container #ever $729.76 or seven single-serving foil pouches #yday $133.18