Walnut

Poof. Whoops. Is red positive? A well-known principle of electronic devices is the fact that they operate on a distinctive type of rather pungent smoke. As long as it’s retained within the componentry of the gadget in question, all is well. However, the slightest bungle or confusion (polarity mis-match, over voltage event) often results in it escaping. Never fear such an occurrence again with the genuine E.S.R. unit. This hand-cranked unit (no electricity!) will quickly scavenge all the odiferous matter wafting around the area and will then store and concentrate it in the quartz-lined receptacle in the middle of this flashlight-sized unit. The other end of the unit provides a titanium-tipped, multi-component compatible injection device for replacing the smoke into the semiconductor, capacitor, or inductor in question. A must-have item for any shop, especially if you’re an idiot.

Developed for motorcycle game warden patrols in the Kalahari and Serengetti. Produces an ultra-low frequency farting sound that only large animals hear. Works well on moose, cows, giraffe, elephants, wildebeest, Winnebago’s, and elk.Based on latest research that elephants hear ultra-low frequencies for many miles. If you liked deer whistles, uh......

Add-ons that make a difference. Multiple added little pockets plus decorative sections of intentionally contrasting fabrics and colors so you’ll look supremely competent and capable, no matter how skillfully (or not) you may actually ride. But wait, there’s more: Built in coffee maker? Check. Emergency parachute? Check. Universal nightlight holders? Check. Deployable chaff screens? Check. Calibrated phase-change monitors? Check. SCUBA tank attachment points? Check. With this your gear can out-tech everyone else. Prominent oversize brand and label artwork included.

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Know exactly when your gear has reached a state of ideal road-filth equilibrium, I.E. – when the riding suit cannot get any dirtier or cleaner. It’s simple, really...ride off with clean new gear…and as the miles add up it gets dirtier and dirtier. Then after a while you ride through some rain and it gets a little cleaner again. The rain stops and it doesn’t rain for a while so you again get dirtier. Eventually a balance point is reached. Equilibrium. This point is a little different for each rider/bike combination, which is where this precision Swiss calibrator comes in. Measures light waves and embedded nano-particulates, adjusting automatically for leather and textile garments. Originally developed by US military clothing research (for active combat uniforms) in co-operation with NASA (for space suits) and the W.L. Gore company. Research subjects included Randy Brody of Aerostich, and endurance rider John Ryan. After one use you won’t know how you got along without it. Settles campfire arguments about who's riding gear is the worst, once and for all. Also required maître d' equipment at all Michelin Guide five star restaurants, too.

Gets your point across...better. High-Vis Technology that works. Perfect for super-slab and night riding - this communication enhancement tool effectively highlights a succinctly pointed message of disapproval. It's ideal for directing toward distracted cagers, cruise-missile taxi's and other clueless traffic idiots. Slips easily over your left digitus medius on gloved or ungloved hand. Three sizes for a comfortable fit and to ensure your message is crisply presented. An adjustable nylon wrist safety tether holds it securely to matter how it's deployed. Three versions: Standard Hi-Viz, Hi-Viz with retro-reflective strip, Competition deluxe version with Hi-Viz, retro-reflective, and Competition MK II, with sequentially illuminating row of LED lights (replaceable button-battery powered, with Wii type motion sensor). Invented and MFG by E. Kroeger Communication Company. Accept no substitute. USA.

Save fuel and protect the environment. Type III Superconducting electro magnetic device attaches to unsuspecting car or truck to allow safe, efficient shadow riding. Ride up to a car. Launch tag. Turn on Electro Magnet. Draft car and shut off engine. Quick release safety lever allows for no hassle detach from connection. Recommended for long highway rides. Magnetic tag launcher installs easily on any bike, via suction cups or handlebar mounts. Detailed instructions show step-by-step procedure to ensure accurate aim and delivery of magno-adhesive tags. Superconducting base unit, exclusively produced by Sumitomo Electric Industries, mounts to the tank and operates on the principle of quantitized magnetic flux that provides solid magnetic connection between base and tag, without interfering with other on-board electronic devices. Maintains 20 foot buffer zone between bike and host vehicle. Experience the silence of engine-off riding and unbelievable gas mileage, too. Includes: launcher with six magno-adhesive tags, Superconducting Electro Magnet, Instructions. 12V. 72A.

Think of a small pepper grinder's hardened cutting rings. Stack six of those, from coarse to ultra-ultra fine, all powered by a 1hp 12V electric motor contained on one side of the frame hump inside a normal 'gas' tank. On the other side is a miniature horizontal rotary auger force-feeding a hopper's worth of coal chunks right into the grinder. Ok, it's alittle noisy in operation, but ordinary charcoal briquettes (or low-sulphate western bitumen...) work just fine. What comes out the petcock end is explosive nano-sized particles of coal dust, looking much like black flour. A turbocharger sends this stuff down fuel tubes with 1.5lbs of pressure right past the nozzles of a nearly conventional fuel injector. Bang! Bang! Bang! Whooo-wooooo! Coal's a comin'! You lose about 20% in Hp, but on a cost-per-mile basis, you'll save about a third of what you currently pay at the pump. This is an expensive, well engineered conversion that includes the replacement tank, all pressure lines and modified injectors. Coal. It's America's Future. And now it's yours. For KLR, BMW GS, Enfield, MZ and some Suzuki Bandits.

Shrinkage? This concentrated wash-in treatment softens the internal fiber structure at a sub-molecular level. Perfect for gear that somehow shrank over the winter. Provides up to one full size increase. Uses only two capfuls in the washing machine, so supply will last for years. After washing immediately wear damp for 20 minutes to allow the momentarily elasticized fibers to re-conform to your (ahem...) current girth before putting it in the dryer, which causes them to 'set'. For all Nylon, Polyester and other synthetic fiber textiles. Not for electric garments. Expanded suits should not be worn in rainy or damp conditions (fibers go back to original size within minutes. A choking/breathing hazard). From H. Held Industries. 5 oz bottle.

Carry in your wallet for emergencies. A close replica of the one used in Monopoly games.

Equal parts useful and nutritious. This set of six wrenches performs standard bolt-turning duties as well as providing 100% of your daily recommended intake for iron and twelve other essential nutrients. Each is infused with healthful goodness, and unlike wimpy grocery store energy bars this one is guaranteed to stay with you down the road…See this video to learn more.

A Gut Wrench is ideal for when the trip schedule doesn’t permit time to stop for a bite to eat, and they last nearly forever (if you keep them dry), so pack along a set of Gut Wrenches in your tool kit so you’ll always have a solid, fortified snack at the ready.

Also, each Gut Wrench will provide an immediate weight gain and is a great source of roughage, providing the best intestinal cleanse available. One will satiate even the largest appetites so they are great for a quick rest-stop snack to ward off hunger pangs during the longest marathon rides. Price includes one-time emergency extraction coupon, should you lack the intestinal fortitude for complete digestion (our lawyers made us say that). Specify Metric, Whitworth or American.

A miniature tent that's just large enough for your head. You’ve ridden to a race weekend (Road America AMA, Isle of Man TT, etc...) and you travel light. As usual, there are no hotel rooms within fifty miles and the campgrounds are full...so you head to ‘Nicaragua’ a piece o’ swampland that an enterprising farmer turns into an impromptu campground every year. Now, you find your friends and become very completely baked or drunk. It ‘s an annual tradition...and so is the cold, wet rain which falls later. Head Tent to the rescue! The Head Tent is an easy-to-set-up (...even while impaired) tensioned catenary pentagonal design and is large enough to completely protect just your head and neck. Stakeless Easton wands allows it to be set up wherever you happen to fall down. The siliconized 1.4 oz ripstip fabric is naturally breathable and luminesces slightly (so less people will trip over you). The single wall Head Tent is compact to carry and makes things much easier when you need to go out and pee in the middle of the night. Be prepared to sleep anywhere. You know you need this. 20”x 18” x 18”, 13 oz.

Oncoming traffic sees the sharply glowing holographically projected image of whatever your choose. Imagine projecting a transparent from behind (but real appearing from the front) Peterbuilt tractor trailer rig instead of your bike, …especially on high speed twisty backroads. Uses only the power from your headlight, channeled through a small, sophisticated holographic projector that is about the size of a soft drink can. Universal clamp-on design that mounts easily to any machine. Interchangeable image cartridges include: Ratty Diamond Reo oil tanker semi, Massy Harris Ag-master combine, weaving 70’s Buick Electra duce and a quarter with drunk at wheel, late model Ford Crown Vic highway patrol car, Boeing 747 on emergency landing final approach (requires 100 watt high beam in headlamp), Harley fat and low Ness custom. Includes walnut and complete installation instructions. Color is black chrome titanium.

Perfect gift for riders who are always annoyingly organized and perpetually well-prepared. These have the functional appearance of a normal standard bungee, but they always retain the internal kinetic energy that normally self-disperses upon storage. So although they may look completely relaxed, they're actually still ready to snap back and bite innocents at the slightest touch. (We've no idea how they actually work, and the Chinese importer won't tell us, either.) Available in colorful three-packs and intertwined they look a lot like a den of wriggling snakes among the other contents of a tank bag. Includes walnut. Assorted colors. Set of 3.

Based on time proven "water witch" principles, and constructed of the latest hi-tech materials, this is an indispensable tool for the serious touring rider. The IRF mounts easily and securely to the handlebars of any motorcycle and provides a continuous illuminated readout on the interest factor of each and every side road you pass. Adjustable focus to emphasize scenery, traffic density, "twisties," police enforcement, road food quality, or motel room availability. Guaranteed to increase your riding fun (for the life of the original purchaser). Entirely hand crafted by Venusians, and imported exclusively by the RIDERWearHouse. Adjustable cowbell alert tones.

C’mon admit it. If you didn’t have one of these things strapped to the rack of your UJM back in the 70’s you at least thought about it. Or knew someone who did. And think now-who got to go on the beer/brat/laundry run? And always had a frisbee or baseball mitt and a sweater handy? Not so dumb was it? Return to those halcyon days of unmatched utility but with none of the klugy connotations and dorky looks. This byproduct of our embryonic missile defense initiative features an electrodynamic sub-molecular wire-frame structural grid projection system which describes a cubic area roughly the equivalent of the good ‘ol stole-it-from-behind-the-convenience-store milk crate. The containment envelope can be varied from the size of a grapefruit to approximately 3'x3'x3' but the largest setting could be hard on your alternator as the amp draw escalates rapidly. The grid projection unit measures 1.5" x 5".

For holding fatigued knees against the tank during long rides. Prevents unsightly ‘knee splay’ and the attendant air drag. Choose Magnetic or Hook and Loop mounts. Manufactured by Allaband Industries.

This treatment will make your suit glow, which is perfect for situations like heavy fog. Krillion is a transitional oil incorporating a biochemical agent like the one used by the deep sea Lanternfish for bioluminesance. It is is up to 10 times brighter than a tail light. Colors are embedded in the Krilion gene code and they grow different every time, so sometimes they glow white, sometimes red, sometimes they light up like a rippling rainbow. Treated gear can not be washed, but will shed a thin layer of “skin” every 2 months, cleaning the coat and completing a cycle. The Krilion 2 treatment generally has a life span of 5 years. Tested safe for human contact. People will think you’re a ghost.

Fun! Fun! Fun! Converts your numbered odometer wheels into a slot machine. Realistically colored lemons, cherries, bars, and all the rest. Silkscreened carbon fiber “rings” slip over each wheel of the main or trip odometer for endless fun as you ride. Great on otherwise boring stretches. Confounds anyone wanting to know how many miles are on your bike. Change oil when three bars come up. Sell the bike when it’s all lemons. Detailed installation instructions.

Nothing is quite like the rich feel and warm smell of good leather. This stuff won’t improve a textile garment’s feel, but somehow odor scientists have perfectly duplicated the elusive odor of expensive hide by using nanotechnology to blend a mixture of rare Moroccan chromium salts and organic oils - the exact same ones that are used in the world’s most traditional tanning processes. Classic tanning chemistry has been completely synthesized and is now making the ‘new leather smell’ affordable to anyone. One 6 oz application will make your nylon gear smell exactly like the finest tanned stuff. Includes easy to apply dauber. This is a very long lasting formula. (And actually increases your gear’s life.) Will not harm or discolor most smooth synthetic textiles. Intoxicating. It’s the perfect cologne for your practical everyday nylon riding jacket.

Growing tired of finally breaking in your favorite pair of riding gloves, only to lose them at a toll booth or gas stop? Mitten strings are probably not the right solution. Lost Glove Micro-Transponders can be sewn into your favorite pair to allow them to be located by satellite triangulation through a subscription service. just plug in the co-ordinates and follow your GPS. Patent Pending, L.Michael Gozia Inc. 1"x.5"x.125".